This blog takes you on the enchanting journey of wedding preparations! Here, I want to share stories that unfold behind the scenes as the bride and groom, a prepare for their wedding day. From the exhilarating highs of finding the perfect outfits to the heartfelt moments of crafting personalized vows, each story is a testament to the love, dedication, and anticipation that accompany the road to matrimony. Whether you’re planning your own special day or simply captivated by the magic of weddings (specially Indian weddings), this article takes you on an emotional adventure!

Growing up as an enthusiastic independent woman with the guidance of open-minded parents, I understood the importance of choosing my own life partner based on genuine connection and shared values. Fortunately, I came across someone on a matrimonial site who resonated with my thoughts and beliefs. Despite our quick connection, both of us took our time before committing to marriage. In Indian tradition, the involvement of both the bride and groom’s families holds significant weight, shaping their lives in various ways. Therefore, it was crucial for us to establish comfort and mutual acceptance within each other’s families. With each passing day, our bond deepened, and the time spent together radiated warmth and positivity, leaving no doubt in the minds of those around us that we were destined for marriage! The wedding date was subsequently set.

Thus commenced our ‘courtship’ period – the phase preceding marriage during which couples acquaint themselves with one another, it’s like the dating phase but under parental supervision. It was about comprehending and embracing the similarities or disparities between us and our families. Moreover, it marked the onset of wedding preparations and consequential discussions

The transition from singlehood to this long-term commitment was enjoyable yet somewhat unnatural for me. I felt apprehensive about entering this new phase of my life. Throughout our lives, we hear tales of deep-seated patriarchy within Indian marriages. There are instances where women, post-marriage, are expected to compromise on their values and aspirations, relinquishing their individuality to fit into their new family. This notion didn’t sit well with me, considering the efforts I had invested in cultivating my personality and independence over the years. Since kindergarten, my parents instilled in me the importance of being a confident decision-maker, excelling in every phase of life, and standing up for my beliefs. They treated boys and girls equally, with the same expectations and opportunities. Surrendering all of this to conform to the roles of a dutiful wife, obedient daughter-in-law, and ‘married Indian woman’ seemed superficial to me. As I began spending time with his family, many advised me to ‘compromise,’ ‘prioritize his needs,’ and ‘take care of him first.’ According to them, adhering to these suggestions would facilitate my acceptance into the new family and his life. Some even urged me to ‘abandon my idealism,’ asserting that in marriage, my husband’s desires should be paramount. These remarks left me feeling both frustrated and disheartened about the impending wedding day. I wasn’t prepared to washout the progress I had made in myself over the years. However, I also couldn’t fathom losing the wonderful person I had fallen in love with. At that moment, I found myself yearning for a lifetime of simply dating each other.

One day, I made the decision to confide in my partner, expressing my frustrations and thoughts. I realised we both had same outlook towards such societal norms. We both strongly believed in gender neutrality and aspired to cultivate such a relationship with each other. This was a much needed assurance for me and gave more confidence in my decision. Additionally, I sought external assistance to help navigate through the emotional turmoil during this period.

Therapy played a crucial role in helping me identify and understand my emotions by simplifying them and distinguishing between relevant and irrelevant voices. I also came to realize that while it’s imperative to deconstruct gender biases prevalent in society and within the home, I must acknowledge whether they exist within my immediate circle or not. Equally essential in the present scenario is to understand my new family, understanding their thoughts and views. I recognized that my partner and his family genuinely wished to understand my true personality and were endeavoring to create an environment where I could comfortably integrate into their world. I realized that reciprocating with the same level of companionship and open-mindedness towards them was necessary to create a lifelong bond. Initially, I was consumed by anxiety at the prospect of conforming to society’s expectations regarding gender-based roles, which led me to focus solely on rebelling against traditions. However, conversations with my therapist aided me in staying true to my nature while enhancing communication with my family, thereby helping them understand my perspective. I was able to compile a list of negotiable and non-negotiable aspects, enabling me to identify my focal points for this period. It’s crucial to assertively communicate your non-negotiables to your partner, while also engaging in open and empathetic discussions regarding the negotiables to understand each other’s thought processes, thereby gauging compatibility. These discussions, although uncomfortable, are instrumental in fostering a relationship built on respect, compassion, and mental peace.

The transition into becoming a new bride can be challenging and daunting for women as they navigate sudden shifts in societal expectations, various forms of patriarchy, and strive to find balance in their relationship with their future husband. However, rather than solely focusing on these challenges, this period should also be about exciting day dreams of the new future, million trials on bridal look and spending beautiful moments with your partner. In my experience, being true to oneself, sticking to one’s beliefs, and cultivating a strong partnership with one’s husband contributes to a happy wedding! Ultimately, it’s a day where one gains an additional set of parents, and a friend for life… because well, when you increase your family, you increase the love in your life!